I have been pursuing the state of non-attachment for several years now. As a confirmed and documented materialist, sensualist, hedonist, epicurean, legendary shopoholic and party girl, you can imagine what an uphill battle it has been!
Ultimately, I know that the worldly, material pleasures are fleeting and superficial, and the challenge is in internalizing that universal truth OFF of my yoga mat, in the real, physical world. Unfortunately, you cannot take a pill or have surgery and wake up one day and be like, "I have finally detached! I am enlightened!"
It is an arduous, daily process: true change requires growth; a breaking of established, comforting patterns; the stretching of reassuring boundaries; movement outside of your comfort zone; a leap of faith into the abyss.
While I cannot say I am there yet, I can say that I have hit a milestone on my journey toward non-attachment! I am currently in the process of moving, and I have been enjoying the opportunity to practice non-attachment with all of my material possessions - and I have invested quite a bit of money in all of my "stuff" over the years, I must admit.
A series of three a-ha moments has been a tremendous foundation for all of the shedding I have been doing as I pack. The first one came to me during a yoga class earlier this week, and the thought was that there are basically two types of people - I realize this is a gross oversimplification, but this is related to my personal journey and I am not professing this to be a universal truth!
The first type is the airy, wind-like type of person that blows along in the breeze, flying high, twirling in the air with no set path or direction. The second type is the earthy tree type of person that is grounded, strong, deep and wants nothing more than to grow deep roots and bloom in one specific setting.
As the airy type, I observed established patterns in my life where I attract tree-type people and circumstances to my life and surround myself with material possessions in an effort to ground myself. This was such a profound moment for me, because I uncovered the very reason that I have been in such a long string of long-term relationships that never quite endure. It is because I must seek balance within myself and not from another person. And the more I think about it, that creates quite a bit of pressure and stress on the tree person! I believe that my (former!) compulsion to consume food, drinks, people, clothing, cars, etc. was also some attempt to ground and balance my airy, vata nature!
My second moment of truth happened during my morning meditation today. Over the past few year, I have made some progress with my ego-driven need to control anything in my immediate environment: people, traffic, events, car radios, a waitress' attitude and deference to me, etc. by realizing that it is my ego under the delusion that I can control ANYthing other than myself, my mind and my reactions to circumstances. Today's meditation took that thought a step further as I noted how much BEAUTY and BLISS there is in our lives, and that we don't OWN or POSSESS any of it! Each one of us is on our own unique, individual path surrounded by our own beauty and experiences. We can't own or control people; we can't or shouldn't bend them to our will; to truly love and appreciate someone, we cannot try to possess or control them -- we should only love and support them on their journey for as long as our paths intertwine. That thought made me realize that I must let go of: everyone, physical desires, attachment to money, worries, fears, and most importantly, material possessions that do not serve a specific purpose in my life. My inner voice was telling me to LET GO and TRUST the UNIVERSE! I don't need things or people to ground me, the earth is here to support me so that I can spread my wings and fly!
And this lesson was hit home in my afternoon yoga practice today. We were holding forearm plank for what seemed like an eternity!! I can always tell when an instructor has me at my edge, because my first reaction whenever I am faced with a challenge is anger. And boy was I getting pissed off the longer that bitch had us holding the pose! When faced with any challenging moments, I have trained myself to focus on my breath to return to a more calm state of mind. During these moments of deep ujayi breathing, I had the most profound insight! It was the fact that being in this moment, digging down deep and searching for inner strength, the only thing I truly had was my breath and my mind! Nothing in my closet back home or a bottom line in my trading account was even relevant at that moment.
I am not my car, clothes, Choos; I am not my net worth; I am not WHO I know; I am not even my yoga practice! All I am and all I need to be is my heart, mind and breath. In that way, I am everything and nothing; I am everyone and no one; I am eternity and non-existence. I AM.
It is an arduous, daily process: true change requires growth; a breaking of established, comforting patterns; the stretching of reassuring boundaries; movement outside of your comfort zone; a leap of faith into the abyss.
While I cannot say I am there yet, I can say that I have hit a milestone on my journey toward non-attachment! I am currently in the process of moving, and I have been enjoying the opportunity to practice non-attachment with all of my material possessions - and I have invested quite a bit of money in all of my "stuff" over the years, I must admit.
A series of three a-ha moments has been a tremendous foundation for all of the shedding I have been doing as I pack. The first one came to me during a yoga class earlier this week, and the thought was that there are basically two types of people - I realize this is a gross oversimplification, but this is related to my personal journey and I am not professing this to be a universal truth!
The first type is the airy, wind-like type of person that blows along in the breeze, flying high, twirling in the air with no set path or direction. The second type is the earthy tree type of person that is grounded, strong, deep and wants nothing more than to grow deep roots and bloom in one specific setting.
As the airy type, I observed established patterns in my life where I attract tree-type people and circumstances to my life and surround myself with material possessions in an effort to ground myself. This was such a profound moment for me, because I uncovered the very reason that I have been in such a long string of long-term relationships that never quite endure. It is because I must seek balance within myself and not from another person. And the more I think about it, that creates quite a bit of pressure and stress on the tree person! I believe that my (former!) compulsion to consume food, drinks, people, clothing, cars, etc. was also some attempt to ground and balance my airy, vata nature!
My second moment of truth happened during my morning meditation today. Over the past few year, I have made some progress with my ego-driven need to control anything in my immediate environment: people, traffic, events, car radios, a waitress' attitude and deference to me, etc. by realizing that it is my ego under the delusion that I can control ANYthing other than myself, my mind and my reactions to circumstances. Today's meditation took that thought a step further as I noted how much BEAUTY and BLISS there is in our lives, and that we don't OWN or POSSESS any of it! Each one of us is on our own unique, individual path surrounded by our own beauty and experiences. We can't own or control people; we can't or shouldn't bend them to our will; to truly love and appreciate someone, we cannot try to possess or control them -- we should only love and support them on their journey for as long as our paths intertwine. That thought made me realize that I must let go of: everyone, physical desires, attachment to money, worries, fears, and most importantly, material possessions that do not serve a specific purpose in my life. My inner voice was telling me to LET GO and TRUST the UNIVERSE! I don't need things or people to ground me, the earth is here to support me so that I can spread my wings and fly!
And this lesson was hit home in my afternoon yoga practice today. We were holding forearm plank for what seemed like an eternity!! I can always tell when an instructor has me at my edge, because my first reaction whenever I am faced with a challenge is anger. And boy was I getting pissed off the longer that bitch had us holding the pose! When faced with any challenging moments, I have trained myself to focus on my breath to return to a more calm state of mind. During these moments of deep ujayi breathing, I had the most profound insight! It was the fact that being in this moment, digging down deep and searching for inner strength, the only thing I truly had was my breath and my mind! Nothing in my closet back home or a bottom line in my trading account was even relevant at that moment.
I am not my car, clothes, Choos; I am not my net worth; I am not WHO I know; I am not even my yoga practice! All I am and all I need to be is my heart, mind and breath. In that way, I am everything and nothing; I am everyone and no one; I am eternity and non-existence. I AM.
#108
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| Three of my favorite Indian deities: Lord Shiva, Hanuman and Ganesha. |
Love this one, too!
ReplyDeleteNAMASTE my sweet friend!
ReplyDeleteGood post!
ReplyDeleteSadhu,Sadhu,Sadhu :) Blessings
ReplyDelete