Since 2012, I've SEVEN times done a 21 day detox where I remove all animal proteins, sugar, caffeine, alcohol and gluten. Each time I've approached this cleanse with resistance and resignation. My first time was during my 200 hour teacher training - talk about resistance - I think I drank and smoked MORE during that first time just because I could. And because fuck you, you can't tell me what to eat and drink!
The next six times, believe it or not, I actually led groups of people through this same cleanse. Because of my accountability to lead each group, I actually resisted less and strived to be a good example. But I still felt a bit out of my element, as I didn't truly practice what I was preaching outside of the 21 day window.
Each time I've cleansed, I can honestly say that I was able to make some modest shifts. But I would always, always, always intentionally go right back to sugar, caffeine, animal proteins, alcohol and gluten. Never was there a thought to NOT do that. The 21 days was more of an act of discipline and will power rather than an attempt to make permanent lifestyle shifts.
This last cleanse, however, and FINALLY was totally different. I was READY for it. I NEEDED it. I was actually looking forward to it in order to find some boundaries and structure in my life. I was even more prepared for it, because I had canceled the previous one set for Fall 2016. And it has truly made all of the difference.
How you do anything is how you do everything, so taking something as complex and constant as your daily habits and rituals surrounding food can be an amazing opportunity for insight and awareness. If you are truly open to it. And finally, I truly was READY.
To where and what can I attribute this shift? Firstly, it's probably a function of age: you know, we just can't abuse our bodies like we did when we were younger! I was horribly unhealthy in my 20s and 30s in terms of nutrition and getting enough sleep, water, exercise, etc. but still maintained a tight, lean body somehow! As I became more engrossed in my practice in my late 30s and early 40s, I can honestly say I was definitely in the best shape of my life. And I was still eating bullshit and had really unhealthy habits like hardcore caffeine, alcohol and smoking. Secondly, I didn't afford myself any downtime. I was always on the GO. GO. GO. GO.
Well if you have read my Fat Yoga Teacher blog, you know what happened from there. Crash. And Burn. I am a true believer in the mind-body connection. As I look back on the time of my burnout, I can very clearly see that I so badly needed to be GROUNDED. All of that frenetic energy was circulating around with no stability or structure or direction. And the only method that my poor body had to effectively slow me down was to literally pack 30 lbs of weight on my 5'2' frame! The weight gain and the exhaustion finally caused me to slam the brakes. And it forced me to take a long, hard look at where I was. And to understand how and why I got there.
And I stayed there for some time. It's been almost two years, and I'm finally seeing a glimmer of hope again. I know, I know - so flippen dramatic, right? But I totally trust in the process of life. These past two years, I've learned about my introverted side. How amazing it is to actually sit home by myself and RELAX! How the constant chaos and drama was actually just a deflection technique to avoid doing the real inner work.
I used to think that nobody loved me more than ME. I denied myself NOTHING. I indulged myself on every whim and desire. If I wanted chocolate, I would eat it and enjoy it guilt free. If I wanted a new pair of ridiculously expensive shoes (or a handbag, or a suit, or a dress, or whatever!) I would be on a mission until I got it. Usually as a gift. :-) I would blow off things and people and anything else that didn't suit me. I always looked out for myself - or so I told myself!
During this last cleanse, it became so apparent to me that indulging myself is not truly loving myself - it is feeding my EGO. I'm just now, four and a half decades into this life, beginning to truly love myself. And it is a constant, daily struggle! But cleaning up how I nourish my body has allowed some clarity into other aspects of my life. While I've always been pretty damn good at cutting people out of my life that don't uplift me, I'm getting better at walking away from situations that don't support my long-term growth. Like, giving up several classes (and income) in order to have sufficient time to rest, re-charge and balance my life out in other areas.
I've also been able to determine how EASILY and AUTOMATICALLY and MINDLESSLY I've used food as a drug, an elixir, a temporary distraction, a panacea. And on the flip side, I am so aware of how FUCKING GOOD my body feels when filled with clean fuels! No more aches. No more lethargy. I receive clear messages from my body that are not filtered through sugar and caffeine and processed foods. So when my body is tired, I rest. My energy doesn't spike as radically as it once did. I'm also better able to observe my emotions and try to understand where they originate rather than reacting and externalizing.
And I've also lost SIXTEEN POUNDS since the beginning of the year. For sure I attribute the weight loss to taking better care of myself and predominantly my diet. But I've also been able to see where my body clung to the excess weight for stability and grounding. I am feeling so much more grounded, and in response, my body is steadily shedding the excess weight. And unlocking more REAL energy; not the faux energy I've been flying on all these years.
Like everyone, I still have to work very hard to love myself and accept myself exactly as I am right now. It's easy to love yourself when you're at your ideal weight and your doing everything "right." The real struggle is accepting your own intrinsic value that is so much deeper than the outside package.
Like my yoga practice, I strive for just a millimeter of growth each day. A deeper glimmer of awareness. A stronger connection to atman.
Annica! Annica! Annica! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!
Well if you have read my Fat Yoga Teacher blog, you know what happened from there. Crash. And Burn. I am a true believer in the mind-body connection. As I look back on the time of my burnout, I can very clearly see that I so badly needed to be GROUNDED. All of that frenetic energy was circulating around with no stability or structure or direction. And the only method that my poor body had to effectively slow me down was to literally pack 30 lbs of weight on my 5'2' frame! The weight gain and the exhaustion finally caused me to slam the brakes. And it forced me to take a long, hard look at where I was. And to understand how and why I got there.
And I stayed there for some time. It's been almost two years, and I'm finally seeing a glimmer of hope again. I know, I know - so flippen dramatic, right? But I totally trust in the process of life. These past two years, I've learned about my introverted side. How amazing it is to actually sit home by myself and RELAX! How the constant chaos and drama was actually just a deflection technique to avoid doing the real inner work.
I used to think that nobody loved me more than ME. I denied myself NOTHING. I indulged myself on every whim and desire. If I wanted chocolate, I would eat it and enjoy it guilt free. If I wanted a new pair of ridiculously expensive shoes (or a handbag, or a suit, or a dress, or whatever!) I would be on a mission until I got it. Usually as a gift. :-) I would blow off things and people and anything else that didn't suit me. I always looked out for myself - or so I told myself!
During this last cleanse, it became so apparent to me that indulging myself is not truly loving myself - it is feeding my EGO. I'm just now, four and a half decades into this life, beginning to truly love myself. And it is a constant, daily struggle! But cleaning up how I nourish my body has allowed some clarity into other aspects of my life. While I've always been pretty damn good at cutting people out of my life that don't uplift me, I'm getting better at walking away from situations that don't support my long-term growth. Like, giving up several classes (and income) in order to have sufficient time to rest, re-charge and balance my life out in other areas.
I've also been able to determine how EASILY and AUTOMATICALLY and MINDLESSLY I've used food as a drug, an elixir, a temporary distraction, a panacea. And on the flip side, I am so aware of how FUCKING GOOD my body feels when filled with clean fuels! No more aches. No more lethargy. I receive clear messages from my body that are not filtered through sugar and caffeine and processed foods. So when my body is tired, I rest. My energy doesn't spike as radically as it once did. I'm also better able to observe my emotions and try to understand where they originate rather than reacting and externalizing.
And I've also lost SIXTEEN POUNDS since the beginning of the year. For sure I attribute the weight loss to taking better care of myself and predominantly my diet. But I've also been able to see where my body clung to the excess weight for stability and grounding. I am feeling so much more grounded, and in response, my body is steadily shedding the excess weight. And unlocking more REAL energy; not the faux energy I've been flying on all these years.
Like everyone, I still have to work very hard to love myself and accept myself exactly as I am right now. It's easy to love yourself when you're at your ideal weight and your doing everything "right." The real struggle is accepting your own intrinsic value that is so much deeper than the outside package.
Like my yoga practice, I strive for just a millimeter of growth each day. A deeper glimmer of awareness. A stronger connection to atman.
Annica! Annica! Annica! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!
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You don’t need to do anything intense or anything fancy, simply do 5 to 10 minutes of exercises such as jogging, star jumps, heel kicks or skipping to get the blood pumping around your body. Read more hip opener sequence
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