Work That Body - Session Six

Six (S6) works the lower back and glutes all the way down through the back of the legs. I have become a bit desensitized to the methods that Everett uses in this bodywork. So I won't be using the shock factor (it is pretty shocking, people! lol) to convey this experience, which would focus more on methodology, but rather share with you the overall experience I've had.

So following S5, I spent a week feeling horrible. Angry. (you've probably picked up on the fact that anger is my go-to emotion. i love it. always there when i need it. so welcoming and comforting. keeps me warm at night. feels so damn good for some reason!) Hopelessness. Rage. Hostility. And finally, one afternoon, a feeling of peace and calmness enveloped me and I felt a great deal of spaciousness - in and around me. 

My yoga practice was pretty weird - my pelvis felt schizophrenic - it didn't really know how to behave properly. As I would try to allow it to drop naturally rather than tilting it, my lower back muscles would start to resist and tighten. I was also experiencing intense sensations deep in my hip flexors. My right shoulder also felt like it was hitched up a lot higher than my left one, and i experienced the sensation of needing a thread to be pulled straight out of my right toe to pull my right shoulder into alignment. Everett said all of these things are perfectly natural. He reminded me that he is shifting the entire bony structure of my body - of course the soft tissues had to reorganize themselves to accommodate the new alignment.

So in this disheveled state, I made my way to see Everett for S6. My attitude had shifted a bit, and I was definitely feeling more grounded and calm. More open to Everett and all of his painful bullshit. 

All sessions start with a bit of work on the neck, shoulders, upper back and then into the lovely psoas. Then Everett started releasing the connective tissue up the back of my legs into my glorious booty. We were maybe 20 minutes into the work when I started a staggering coughing jag. I couldn't stop coughing - there was very clear mucus releasing - but it was endless and my body was shuddering uncontrollably for several minutes. Everett gave me a rag to cough in and brought a garbage bucket near the table. It soon became clear that we had to cut the session short. I was literally drained, and Everett could feel all of this toxicity releasing from my body. We were both pretty anxious to put an end to that session.

I left his place, went home and took my requisite kosher salt, baking soda and epsom salt bath before I had to head to work. My classes that day were very Iyengar-like. Super slow, grounded and heavily alignment based. It sounds weird to say this, but the tone and modulation of my voice seemed to have shifted somehow as well. That evening when I got home, I felt extremely nauseous and toxic. 

A few days afterward, I started feeling like my old, feisty self again. It seemed like I had tapped into some sort of energy reservoir and my body naturally stopped craving caffeine and sugar (the two other loves of my life). My body was experiencing very few aches and pains. This energy source was much more grounded - it wasn't dispersing into frenetic vata instability (look, shiny bright objects!) but rather a deeper, slower, brighter burning. 

I could literally feel the blocked energy (prana, chi) releasing itself from my body. I could also feel the areas of my body that needed Everett to reorganize and release, particularly my legs and the entire area across the back periphery of my pelvis. During twists in my yoga practice, I was hearing deep pops and cracks as my spine released stagnant energy. I started talking incessantly about "freeing your pelvis" in yoga classes. And in my personal practice, I had reconnected to my spiritual guide Babaji who I hadn't seen since 2012. (Thanks in a huge a part to Everett on so many levels and endless conversations.)

So back to Everett to complete S6. Deep, intense sensations. This session comprises deep work in the posterior pelvis. Deep work to release the coccyx. There is one moment in this session that comes after some deep, deep crazy work, where Everett has me stand up - and I literally think he held his breath - so he can see if my pelvis had dropped.  He exhaled pretty loudly and was very, very pleased with the placement of my pelvis. I can't tell you how awesome that moment felt. All of the work that Everett puts in, all of the pain I experience, all of the screaming I release, culminated in that moment.

My pelvis is now directly underneath my torso and upper body. It's so difficult to articulate what it FEELS like to have the entire skeletal structure of your body totally aligned with gravity. Rather than being pulled down in heaviness, there's a sensation of upliftedness. Once you're  centered within the the field of gravity, there is a lift from gravity and you feel no separation from the Universe. Everything seems to flow together sublimely.

There was more work in S6 following that moment. And it was painful. But I know that it is part of the process. Much like life; if you continue to organize your life in the avoidance of pain, you'll never have the big moments of growth and pelvic dropping transformation. Pain is part of the life experience. It's inevitable. 

So these sessions aren't pure magic, but they are propelling me more quickly down this path I'm on. I thought I knew my body so well; it's like the more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. 

I'm also realizing that the process is just as important as the end game. One doesn't move from a hedonistic lifestyle onto a spiritual path overnight and without growing pains! I told Everett how I've been almost cocooning myself - not consciously or intentionally, but slowly,  I've been withdrawing myself from so many activities and people that once played huge roles in my life. I've packed on thirty pounds of solid weight to anchor and ground myself. My practice and my life have slowed considerably. For the first time in my life, I'm allowing myself to settle in and get comfortable. Grounded and rooted. Right here and right now. Blooming where I'm planted. Everett said that when a caterpillar cocoons itself, nobody knows the pain and struggle that little caterpillar experiences. But it must be quite significant for it to emerge as a  butterfly on the other side. 

So as I look ahead to S7, I am becoming extremely paranoid that my pelvis will shift back into its old habits. Everett has assured me repeatedly that my pelvis aint going anywhere!

                                           

Work That Body - Session Five

                                                      

Ok, the day after Session 4 (S4), which was a Friday evening session,  I had to teach four classes and then return that Saturday evening for Session 5 (S5). I was super angry most of that day. I could feel it churning in my gut; but all of that anger was accompanied by a bubbling of hostility, so it was in great company.

My trusty, calm Zen-like friend Eunju had offered weeks prior to drive me to S5, and fortunately for me, she was amused by the steady stream of hateful bitching and complaining I did about her driving, about Everett, about pretty much anything and everything that crossed my mind or my path.

I was pissed!!!! The only times I wasn't angry that day were when I was teaching and when I was eating. Fortunately for the world, I do a lot of both. 

So, I arrived at Everett's filled with a lot of energy needing to be released.  S5 begins by releasing tightness along the periphery of the abdominal wall which restricts the pelvis from above. This is followed by intensive work in the depths of the abdomen and pelvic bowl which is supposed to have a liberating effect on the whole structure and the breath. I will repeat. "intensive work in the depths of the abdomen and pelvic bowl." Fuck. You. Everett. <<< there's Angry Nadja again!!!

So, this is how I feel about this energy work: It's a roller coaster. Don't get on it if can't handle it. Of course you're afraid - that's part of the thrill. But once you step on, you're in it 'til the end. There's no timeouts on a roller coaster. Just strap yourself in and experience the thrills and dips and loops and butterflies and whatever else surfaces. You can't stop in the middle of it.

So what is there to say about S5? - Everett went in DEEP! After the initial neck, upper back and a light pass, we did some major work on releasing and lengthening my psoas and liberating my pelvis. I had some serious Matrix moments - I literally shouted several times, "Give me the fucking blue pill!" I could feel where my body has created some resistance to Everett. I am finding it harder and harder to fully relax my body to allow him into the depth. Even as I exhale, rather than releasing totally, a teeny part of me resists his fingers or knuckles or whatever the hell it is that he is using to dig to the depth of my soul. My solution to this is to yell out loud with the pain, as it satisfies my anger, facilitates an emotional release and relaxes my body to allow deeper access. Plus I just like to shout at the top of my lungs, and as an adult, those opportunities are few and far between.

As always, I emerge from his table in a much more calmer state. ON the table, I question my sanity; I give myself little pep talks; I remind myself what a badass I am; I scream out in pain. OFF the table, I feel so amazingly light in my body. Expansive. I can feel the prana flowing freely throughout my cells. I can breathe a full five liters of oxygen. And I feel fucking fantastic!!! And so calm and centered and grounded. 

Eunju returns after two hours of torture, and she cannot believe how calm, happy and relaxed I am! Of course, I hug Everett and thank him and tell him how magical he is. (after two hours of cursing him and acting like a bitch on his table).

So the two weeks following S5, walking felt really weird. Practicing yoga was even more bizarre - my poor pelvis felt schizophrenic - it didn't quite now what to do or how to behave! The first couple of days were amazing. Then starting that Tuesday, I was super annoyed and prickly. EVERYONE was getting on my fucking nerves. For several days, I felt like SHIT. Angry. Hopeless. Rage. Dark. 

FINALLY, after several days of this, I noticed a sense of calmness and space after a long day of teaching. My feet were still painful after the long day, but not as bad as usual. And I have been experiencing this amazing sensation of rooted connectedness to the Earth. One of the major realizations that I have had through this bodywork is that I have spent my entire life avoiding that rooting. I've always been so vata - filled with the air element - floating wherever I pleased, doing whatever I wanted - and avoiding and resenting like hell any people, authority or situations that felt like bondage to me. (I've been engaged 5 times and only married once, but that's an entirely different blog). I finally understand the importance of being firmly rooted on my own two feet. That being rooted does not equate to a loss of freedom or mobility but rather provides stability to float and fly with purpose and direction. True manifestation and actualization begins at the root chakra, muladhara.

So now, as I try to live with my new, liberated pelvis, my lower back muscles and glutes start to resist and tighten. Makes total sense, since this is the area targeted in Session 6. As  I prepare for S6, my concern is that Everett keeps talking about flattening out my ass. Does he not realize how many damn chair poses, warriors and crescent lunges it took to get this ass?!?

Photo Shoot with Robert Sturman

So, I had an opportunity to work with nationally renowned photographer Robert Sturman on a yoga photo shoot, and the experience was a huge reality check for me.

I'm Asian. I love pictures. Selfies. Group shots. Profile pics. Close - ups. Full length shots. Pictures of my food. My shoes. My pedicures. Endless pictures of myself doing yoga anywhere and everywhere.

 

So this situation should have been a dream come true for me! But, frankly, it wasn't.

 

And here's the raw truth. Somehow, since switching from politics to a career as a professional yoga instructor, I have packed a whopping 30 pounds on my (once) petite 5'2" frame. It is entirely irrelevant to this post on HOW that actually even happens. The point is that it did.

 

So. I've come face to face with reality, exactly as it is, not how I like to pretend it still is or it once was. 

As a yoga instructor, I see beauty EVERY where and in every single person that unrolls their mat. I tell students - and I absolutely mean it - how beautiful and amazing they are. How they are perfect exactly how they arrive on their mats. Right here, right now. I remind them to love and honor the amazing body that has carried them through life until this moment. 

And yet ... I was reluctant to take advantage of this opportunity. I tried to cancel the day before. Why? Why is it so hard to love ourselves exactly as we are? Why is it so much easier to see the beauty and light in others and so easy to find fault and imperfection and darkness in ourselves?

As the day of my photo shoot continued to unfold, it became clear to me that I was squandering the beauty of the moment. Wishing it away. Thinking it would be better and more meaningful if I was 30 pounds lighter. And suddenly, I realized that THIS was THE moment. This was the day that I would pose for Robert Sturman. And that's our lives. We'll never quite find the perfect set of circumstances aligned in our minds, but we have to embrace life anyway. Find gratitude in what we DO have. Trust that life gives us exactly what we NEED. 

So when the time arrived, I had a great conversation with Robert, who immediately put me at ease. We walked the grounds and finally settled on this beautiful tree shaped like Natarajasana. The ground held a slight decline so I rolled over in the mud a few times before I finally stuck the pose. 

It's just an image, a frozen fragment in time. And that's life. Single, perfect moments in time that are strung together to form our lives. It's time that's the most precious currency of life. Each moment. Each breath. That's the gift and blessing. Our challenge is to recognize and appreciate all of it as it unfolds, exactly as it unfolds, with nothing but gratitude and acceptance. 

Annica! Annica! Annica! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!

Work That Body - Session Four

I was so excited after my intro session to Integral Bodywork; to feel my body more fully and with more awareness is part of the human experience. I also like to think of myself as a badass ... pain is mental; just breathe through it. But... as human beings, don't we spend our lives in the AVOIDANCE of pain? Pain certainly is inevitable, and if I must endure it, I can withstand it like a B-O-S-S. But why, oh why, would I go into a situation where pain is almost a certainty?

This was my dominating thought after completing Session Three. It is legitimately ok to stop after the third session or take a long, long, long break. My body was definitely shifting; I was still experiencing pain in my body, however. Releasing the pain that has been buried has been much more physical than emotional, to my surprise. Yoga has been a pathway for me to pierce through the physical layers and move toward deeper consciousness. I've found that experience has been enhanced greatly by this bodywork. While my body has been shedding physical pain, I have been having more frequent and longer lasting moments of gratitude, joy, Grace and bliss as the emotional release. This was another surprise, as I thought I'd have more crying jags from pain not happiness!

But I STILL needed some er, um, strong encouragement from Everett in order to progress to Sessions Four and Five. He never lies to me. Nor does he try to sweeten the truth. He told me that Sessions Four (S4) and Five (S5), which is really one long, intense session, are the deepest and will be the most challenging for me. It involves work on the inner legs and begins work on the abdomen. The purpose is to free the pelvis from the connective tissues in the legs below (S4) and from the tissues in the abdominal wall above (S5). He said that by the end of Session Five, my entire world will be turned upside down. I would be liberated. 

So S4 and S5 are scheduled closely together, because it can be unsettling to release only the bottom half of the pelvis without providing the stabilization of freeing the upper half. The interesting part is that after S4, I had to be up early the next day to teach four yoga classes prior to returning for S5. The makings of a perfect storm...

So days before S4, my body started to get restless. It's like my pelvis realized the inevitability of what was coming. The night before, as always, I couldn't sleep and watched several episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. yea, not my finest moment.

And because life unfolds perfectly, I serendipitously ended up having breakfast with Eunju Choi - that bitch who initially got me involved with this crazy bodywork. (I had this amazing taffy apple french toast!!! mmmmm) Eunju is the most calm, kind person, and it really was just what i needed to prepare for S4.

Well, my body had been experiencing a fair amount of pain between S3 and S4 - mainly my feet, my quadratus lumborum (low back) on the right side and my shoulder on the right side. So my thought was that through physical pain, I was burning away karma and shedding sanskaras. So with that logic, I approached S4 with the thought that it may not be painful; I'd already felt a lot of pain, so no expectations as I got onto Everett's table.

Well. It was such a lovely thought, however, the pain really seems to be intensifying. The best way to describe it is that it feels like the area Everett is working on is already tender and bruised, and then he applies mind-numbing amounts of pressure on the bruised area. In reality, Everett says he is really using lighter pressure, but my pain is on the surface so I feel it more keenly.

This bodywork is very challenging, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. It requires sharp focus, intense breath work, a great commitment to discovering your truth, and a helluvalot of trust in Everett Ogawa.

So after the usual neck, shoulder, psoas softening, we went for it. Everett worked the insides of both of my legs ruthlessly. So, you can imagine how tender and vulnerable that area is. Now imagine that it was bruised and someone kept pressing into the bruises and making you extend and flex your knee and ankle joints. Heinous. This work is done from the tummy, the back and the sides. It is quite invasive and intimate, especially as he moves up the inner leg. Usually this type of contact is preceded with dinner, wine and maybe even some jewelry or new Jimmy Choos. And it usually doesn't make you want to kick a puppy across the room.

As I am on the table, I always wonder what the fudge I am doing! I say as much to Everett, and he's learned to ignore most of what I spew out on his table. It's never very nice. But then, he'll tell me to move to the middle of the table and breathe. That is the point where I gush at how magical he is. Because the truth is, it does seem like magic. You don't even know that you're not breathing fully and deeply through every cell in your body until you breathe fully and deeply through every cell in your body. Like all of the amazing moments in life, it can't be described; it must be experienced. And truly, we are all spiritual beings having this human experience. And I want to keenly FEEL as much as I can while I am here. Pain facilitates an appreciation of pleasure. It also purifies your mind and your body. It is part of the deal, and it is inescapable and inevitable. But, it also teaches us that we can be HAPPY even while experiencing pain and discomfort and less than ideal circumstances. Because happiness is totally independent of all of those things. It is a clear and conscious choice. And once you make that choice for yourself, it is absolute. Nothing can affect your choice, unless you allow it to happen.

So after liberating the lower half of my pelvis, Everett started work on my rectus abdominis muscles and the connective tissues to further free my pelvis. This was not as bad as the inner leg work, and he did a lighter pass as that area would be worked mercilessly in S5, which was in about 24 hours. 

After each session, you're supposed to take a hot bath with epsom salt, kosher salt and baking soda to pull additional toxins from your body. On this particular Friday evening, I went to King Spa and saunaed, jacuzzied and soaked out the toxins at their facility preceded by a yummy Korean meal of bulgogi and rice. After Friday evening traffic calmed down, I headed home to prepare to teach my four Saturday classes. This is such a far cry from my former party girl lifestyle!!! Who am I?!??

What I've Learned As a Yoga Teacher

I am a full-time yoga instructor. It is how I make my living. I cannot even begin to express how satisfying it is to parlay something that you love passionately into a career, especially when that career brings you into intimate contact with so many bright, amazing souls who are seeking the light. Yeah, I know; I know how that sounds. I cringe sometimes when I hear myself .... but honestly, I've given up worrying about sounding hokey or sounding like that craycray yoga lady. When you speak from your heart, it DOES resonate with people. Even if on the surface level, it strikes one as a bit corny; at the deepest level, it strikes a chord.

And let's face it - those who come to their mats, ARE, in fact, seeking something BEYOND the physical body. Otherwise, they would continue to run marathons and lift weights and keep prepping for some type of zombie apocalypse.

The beautiful, amazing thing about yoga is this: it meets you wherever you are! Some people are at the very physical level, and they need a physically challenging, mind-numbing, exhaustingly vigorous yoga practice. That's exactly where I started my practice. I was working like a maniac in politics, kicking ass and taking names, smoking Newports, drinking enough vodka to anesthetize a small horse, popping Adderall in the morning and Xanax or Ambien each night, seeking physical pleasures, and overall keeping things at an extremely superficial level. Which is exactly why I recognize that student when he or she walks into the studio.

Some students are older or injured; they can't and/or simply don't want to be pushed to their physical edge. These students are seeking a slower, deeper practice that is healing and comforting and restorative. That's exactly where I find myself today. After years of burning it at both ends in my former career, it took teaching 20+ yoga classes each week to FORCE me to slow down and acknowledge my physical limitations. I've had a string of injuries the past year that have caused physical limitations to my practice, which has been far more mentally and emotionally challenging than actually losing my physical practice. But the lesson - yes, there is always a lesson - for the first time in YEARS, I've been kind and gentle and forgiving of myself. Which is why I am able to extend that kindness and gentleness to others.

One thing I've learned in my two years as a professional yoga instructor is that it is a breeze to teach a fast-paced vinyasa class to a room full of physically fit twenty-somethings. My challenge is to continue to develop my teaching skills to create a safe space for each person, regardless of physical limitations, to explore, stretch and grow. To restore and heal and nourish. And I'm not talking about their bodies.

I am so blessed to earn a living connecting with people on such a relevant level. The physical, mental and emotional are all part of ONE HUMAN BEING. Yoga teaches us to integrate each aspect of ourselves and be aware of how each part affects the other. When we create space in our physical body, it manifests off our mats. We learn to create space surrounding negative circumstances and situations in our lives so we can see them more clearly. We release emotional traumas that have debilitated our progress and growth. We gain confidence, self-acceptance, patience, joy, tolerance, gratitude, humility, strength and a killer ass. But the real benefit of our yoga practice is peace in our hearts. That sense of peace, contentment and stillness is far more potent and powerful than any drop of alcohol or heart medication. We get out of our heads and into our bodies where we learn to heal ourselves.

The biggest lesson that I have learned is that each one of us is perfect exactly as we are. We don't need to fix or change ANYTHING. We must only peel away the barriers and defenses mechanisms built by our own egos so that we can reveal our true masterpieces within. And that, my friend, is what yoga is all about.

Annica! Annica! Annica! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!

Work That Body - Session Three

Nearly a month had passed between Session 1 and 3, mainly due to scheduling issues between both Everett and me. Unlike the first two sessions, I was NOT looking forward to the third one and even attempted to cancel it.  For the couple of days preceding Session Three, I was having difficulty sleeping and I was feeling a great deal of pain in my joints, particularly my hips and ankles. My entire body was achy and I was not in the highest of spirits.

I contacted Everett the morning of Session Three and told him I hadn't slept all night and my entire body was so achy and painful that I wasn't mentally prepared for more pain on his table. His response was that all of the pain is darkness coming to the surface, ready to be released. He said this was the best condition to be in for a session. That nobody said that going deeper was comfortable. He then instructed me to look inside: is there fear going on? When you start to go deep, big fear comes up. But he never once pressured me to keep my appointment that day.

Well. Of course I went - I don't like to think of myself as a quitter. But I was definitely not looking forward to it, knowing that there was the certainty of physical pain and discomfort awaiting me. I should definitely clarify that each person's experience is different. Some go through these sessions with very little discomfort and pain. Everett said that my pain is already at the surface while many people have theirs buried so deeply that they feel very little. He calls it karmically ripe.

So, as always, Everett started the session with light neck and psoas work. Then he got down to business. He started on my left side and worked all of the lateral edges of my body. I went in feeling trepidation with very low energy. After he released my left side, I felt an amazing rush of energy through my body and I literally lit up and felt like myself again! It was incredible; I walked through the door feeling very reserved and achy and tired and old. I stepped off the table and felt incredible lightness back in my body; I was bubbly, energetic ME again. And that was just one side. He told me to go take a look in the mirror, and my left shoulder was three inches lower than my right!  Rather than my shoulders getting higher, they were dropping down, creating space for my neck and upper back. He then worked the right side and finished with work on my hamstrings and my entire back body.

This session, again, was pretty painful, and Everett said that he was using very little pressure. After Session Three, I do feel taller, straighter and lighter. I feel more space in my body but also AROUND my body. I feel much more calm; balanced; content. My feet, particularly my heels, enjoy a rooted connectedness with the Earth. I feel longer, leaner and more IN my body.

Everett asked me to wait a few days before blogging this session to allow these shifting energies to settle. I woke up the next day feeling amazing and was very productive.  After each of these sessions, I become more focused and present in my body and in my life. I always have a flurry of productive activity for a few to several days when I leave Everett's table. 

About a week after the third session, I was feeling intense, throbbing, burning pain and sensation in my calves down to my feet. I thought part of it was from teaching five classes that day, standing on my flat feet without arch support, but the feelings were so intense.  I spoke with Everett late that night, and he said that my body was continuing to release pain and that all of the physical pain is a blessing. No, I didn't hang up on him. I listened intently because I have a great deal of respect for him and what he does to help people. 

He told me to let go of who I think I am. That this energy is now releasing on its own. Let it happen and watch what unfolds. He said that right now I am the smallest version of myself, and I should follow where this road leads without expectations.

About four days after that, I had another release. I was talking with a dear friend and fellow yogi, Haleh Putz after I taught a 75 minute hot vinyasa class; a real conversation from her heart chakra directly to mine.  I then took a vinyasa class and experienced  an outpouring of gratitude and joy and grace that literally burst my heart wide open and spilled off of my face. A feeling of extreme love and Grace lasted for several hours after that. 

Session Three provides an opportunity to end the sessions - quit while you're ahead! It also allows for a break before Sessions Four and Five which concentrate on the inner leg lines and then deep, deep work in the pelvic bowl and the entire abdomen. Everett says that the first three are merely prep work for the deep releasing that happens in the subsequent sessions. Child's play. *gulp*

I asked him if we could continue with sessions four and five in our next lifetimes.....

Work That Body - Session Two

So I've been looking forward to this session all week - it's all about GROUNDING - something I sorely (pardon the pun) need in my life both on and off my yoga mat.

First off, I have extremely flat feet, which has been causing me a great deal of pain since I've begun teaching so many classes each day. 

When I first get out of bed each morning, I literally limp my way to my bathroom. And when I teach several classes in a day, I end up walking like an old lady. When I'm practicing postures that require balancing on one foot, I feel a searing pain on the bottom of my standing foot that wraps up my shin and calf. Similarly, after several warrior postures, my feet are burning; this is why I love inversions so much! Relief for my poor, aching feet!!

Off my mat, it's a challenge to stay grounded and structured. Routines, predictability, responsibilities, daily grind activities leave me feeling restless and bored. Yet of course these are the very things that I really need most in my life to achieve balance. 

So, you can see why I was intrigued by Session Two, which focuses on grounding through the legs and further shoulder release.

I won't bore you with the blow by blow. If you read about the first session, you are already aware that there is significant sensation involved with this type of bodywork. But there are also significant, tangible benefits that far outweigh a few moments of discomfort.

Each session begins with some light neck, shoulder and psoas release.  Everett began work on my right side this time. As I was lying on my back, he started by releasing the bottom of my foot while I flexed and softened my heel. He then freed my ankle joint (ouch!) and worked his way up my lower leg. He then flipped me on my tummy to work the same area, releasing my ankle and knee. 

Now, during this portion, I seriously asked myself, "Why am I doing this again?" The acute pain and burning sensations seemed a bit senseless as I was experiencing it. I said as much to Everett, and his response was, "Yeah, you have to be pretty crazy to do this. Or really want to move your life to the next level." 

Between areas, Everett pauses and has me lie on my back to observe and comment on sensation. And that is when I am reminded of exactly WHY I am going through such physical discomfort. It is to enjoy full awareness of my body on a level deeper than gross motor movements. To FEEL the tingling sensations of prana and blood coursing through my veins. To FEEL my entire pelvis flat on the table. To BREATHE fully and completely with fine awareness of subtle sensations in my body's organs. 

It also allows for emotional releasing, especially of traumas, injuries, pain, and other intense experiences that have been shoved deep down rather than felt and released. 

So while I strive to have no expectations of this work, I am mentally prepared for any emotional energy that may bubble to the surface. While I was fully prepared for physical pain and tears, I was caught completely off guard for what released as Everett worked his way up the front of my  upper legs and thighs: doubled over, nose snorting laughter! It started with slight tickling sensations then became more intense until I finally pushed his hands away and just started laughing uncontrollably. At one point, he left the room so I could laugh my ass off! 

So interesting that it happened at the exact same spot on both of my thighs. Apparently tears and pain aren't the only things we repress! I was surprised to find that I'm so repressed that I even suppress laughter! 

The rest of the work was additional shoulder work and concluded with my back. Once all of the connective tissues are released, he organizes and aligns the entire body. 

After two of ten sessions, I basically feel like the Tin Man who has had all of his joints oiled and can now operate more efficiently and smoothly. My body feels integrated and grounded and light and energetic and alive!

After nine years of practicing yoga, I thought I had pretty decent body awareness. This bodywork has made me realize how physical my practice has been, and how 'karmically ripe' I am (as Everett has said more than once) to transcend the superficial level and truly deepen my spiritual path. 

This work truly isn't for everyone. It's so much deeper than physical tissue release. Everett says women who work with him come in like rabbits and leave like tigers. I asked him what happens to those who come in like tigers? 

Annica! Annica! Annica!!! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!!!

Work That Body - Intro and Session One

So yoga has been an amazing tool for me to do uh-LOT of self-reflection, self-correction and self-healing (sounds pretty self-absorbed, but it's all for the greater good!). With yoga as a pathway, I've significantly transformed my life from my career to personal relationships. (Always a work in progress!!)

As a professional yoga instructor trying to make ends meet solely through teaching, I have been struggling with my personal practice - just as I feared I would when considering such a dramatic career shift! The challenge is to maintain a personal practice while teaching sometimes as many as 25 classes per week! 

I've re-committed to my mat, and I am currently on Day 96 of 365 days of yoga. I've slowly rekindled my love and passion for this wonderful gift of yoga. However ... I am at a solid plateau both on my mat and off. Not only has my practice stagnated, but I've gained 25 pounds as a professional yoga instructor! I haven't weighed this much since 2005.....

So, I'm at a point where I am ready to bust out of my plateau and I am fully aware that I need some assistance. More and more I am aware that life will unfold as it damn well pleases and I have very little control over the outcomes. This lesson has taught me to be open to all possibilities and options. 

Enter Eunju Choi - an amazing student and now friend who had literally been -- I hate to say pestering -- pestering me about this bodywork she was having done and how amazing it is in terms of releasing. For those that don't practice yoga, it's ALL about the RELEASE. Letting go of tightness, judgement, self-consciousness and whatever else we've stuffed into our bodies. Apparently she had been talking to her body work guy about me as well describing the type of energy releases she had been experiencing in my class.

After many months, Eunju gave me a book that was sent from Everett Ogawa, her body work dude. I read the book within one night - it described the method and gave several case studies. I was intrigued and went in for a free intro session. I posted a bit on FB about that first session. Indescribable how amazingly open and light and free I felt. Everett said that it was a teaspoon of the full bodywork sessions.

So needless to say, I am IN! 

Tuesday was my first of TEN bodywork sessions with Everett Ogawa of Integral Bodywork. Integral Bodywork® is a transformational method of hands-on bodywork that seeks to restore an individual's structural integrity through release of the body's matrix of connective tissue. 

So thinking of your muscles as a micro system in your body and your connective tissues as the macro system. This work seeks deep access and release of connective tissues. It's the same exact concept as a Yin/Restorative yoga practice; however, with much deeper releases and immediate results.

Let me preface this by saying this is WORK. There is extreme sensation involved, sometimes even pain; so this type of body work is realistically for very few people who are interested in clearing the clutter and psychological and emotional crap and feeling the free flow of energy in their bodies. Not for everyone! This first session was more than two hours but felt like 8.

So Session One started with some basic neck stretches and some psoas release to create some space in my pelvic area.

Then I laid on my right side and he started working the entire illiotibial (IT) band, the entire length of my outer leg. He put deep pressure in various points starting from my outer hip. Once he got in deep, I would flex my knee then straighten it and extend from the top of my thigh through my heel while he dug in and lengthened the bunched connective tissues. BLOODY HELL!!!!! But each pressure point is literally one cycle of breath. And I know I can endure ANYTHING in life for one measly breath. After working both my upper and lower outer leg, he instructed me to lie on my back and FEEL.

What did I feel? I literally felt the blood and prana flowing freely through my entire leg. Not only did my left leg feel an inch longer than my right leg, I looked down and it was!! True story. He then asked me to focus on my breath. I was able to breathe more fully and deeply on my left side body. He asked what did that tell me as a yoga instructor. I responded that to breathe fully through the body, you have to work the limbs as well as the torso. He then had me stand up and my left leg felt so much more stable and grounded and my left foot had even expanded slightly with my toes longer than my right toes. I know - sounds insane.

Back to the table where he started working space between my ribs and the tissues surrounding the intercostal muscles there. OUCH!!!!! I have bruises where he was digging his fingers in.  He did some work on my back as well. Then I laid on my back again and the breathing was incredible! I could feel the spaces between my ribs as my lungs expanded.

Next, I laid on my back and he worked to free my ribcage. yup, that's right. He dug his fingers under my ribcage, and I then lifted my pelvis slightly and he pulled it up and away. Excruciating sensation - I'm not even going to lie. After working several spots, I was instructed to breathe. Holy shit! My ribcage felt like it was floating in space and I felt incredible space through my abdominal wall and my pelvic region!

Then came the upper rib work and shoulder work. I shudder recounting this portion. He was accessing all of these areas mainly through my arm pit. He dug in and separated my ribs. The most intense sensation was when he accessed my second rib THROUGH MY ARMPIT and freed it from the connective tissues followed by digging into the back of my scapula. The. Back. Of. My. Scapula.  At one point, he broke away from me and started coughing uncontrollably. He then sprayed water all over the space and burned some sage. Apparently a huge toxic wave of energy was released and almost knocked him on his ass!!! As he did that, I closed my eyes to FEEL and, incredibly, my shoulder had dropped a full inch and a half. The entire left side of my body felt it was tipping to the left and my entire spine and left side body was FLAT on the table, including the back of my pelvis and tailbone!! When I stood up, all I could say to Everett was that I felt like a primate. My left humerus bone was dangling from my shoulder and my arm felt long and heavy like it was being dragged to the earth with gravity, but it felt LIGHT and fluid and FREE at the same time. My left hand was literally a couple of inches lower on my left thigh than my right side.

The work after this point was a breeze. He worked my arm, elbow and wrist. By worked I think you've picked up that means digging deep into my body tissues. The sensation was still there but nothing like that rib business. 

On to the right side. He said he used half the pressure on this side and I told him I felt twice the pain. He said that some people have tightened and hardened so much that he could hit them with a hammer on the shoulder and they feel nothing. People tighten and become NUMB to sensation due to pain and trauma and emotional "sucking it up." The pain is necessary to truly experience your body. 

On the left side, the first side he worked, I focused on my inhale and exhale. I felt significant physical and emotional releases, but no specific memories or experiences surfaced. As he worked the right side of my body, I felt a lot more pain; and I had some crazy verbal releases. As I focused on my breath while he worked, involuntarily I started to scream out with pain, something that hadn't happened on the left side. I felt myself getting more and more emotional as he worked his way up to my right shoulder. In yoga, we know that the shoulders are the gateway to the heart, so I felt that there was a whammy of a release coming tracing back to this knot I've had in my right shoulder for the past 10 years. 

On the right side, I needed more space to recover between releases. At one point, I rolled onto my left side and felt like i was about to cry, but the tears never came. I had a significant realization that came through a verbal outburst, which surprised both of us, and then made both of us laugh hysterically. He said that in his 23 years of body work, that was a definite first! I won't type here what it was, because I don't want to offend anyone. However, if you have actually read all the way to the end of this blog post, and ask me, I will tell you! lol

So we finished the session and I walked away literally feeling a hyper awareness of my body and in a state of significant mental clarity. It truly is indescribable the joy and pleasure it feels to truly inhabit this human body. And this was Session One. 

Annica! Annica! Annica! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!

These are the body areas that he worked in Session One.

21 Day Detox Post Mortem

This is the third time I've completed an annual 21 day detox where I remove the following:

1. Sugar

2. Caffeine

3. Gluten

4. Animal proteins including dairy

5. Alcohol

It's quite intense; here are my observations. 

1. I can do ANYTHING, I just can't do EVERYthing. I can eat, drink, ingest whatever I want to; I just can't do that AND expect to live at my optimal level of health, wellness and vitality. 

2. When one door shuts, there's another doorway to move toward. As I have shut the door on allowing my physical body and its cravings and aversions to control me, the door has swung open to a life with much more CLARITY, connectedness and EQUANIMITY. 

3. The act of letting go and leaping toward the unknown will ALWAYS be rewarded!

4. There's nothing to change or fix; We must peel away layers of self-delusion, insecurities, defense mechanisms and barriers to reveal God's masterpiece within. 

5. The human body has an endless source of natural energy. It just needs to be revealed. I have literally never felt physically BETTER!  I'm living on a higher level! My senses are so sharp and sensitive. I think way less and FEEL so damn good!

6. It's ok to be tired!!! When the body and mind are tired, REST! 

7. The detox is so much more than the food and the body. It's about relationships of dependency and how we use food and caffeine and alcohol to avoid unpleasant thoughts and feelings that arise. 

8. How you do ANYthing is how you do EVERYthing. Mindfulness and balance are the keys to living an optimal life.