Ok, the day after Session 4 (S4), which was a Friday evening session, I had to teach four classes and then return that Saturday evening for Session 5 (S5). I was super angry most of that day. I could feel it churning in my gut; but all of that anger was accompanied by a bubbling of hostility, so it was in great company.
My trusty, calm Zen-like friend Eunju had offered weeks prior to drive me to S5, and fortunately for me, she was amused by the steady stream of hateful bitching and complaining I did about her driving, about Everett, about pretty much anything and everything that crossed my mind or my path.
I was pissed!!!! The only times I wasn't angry that day were when I was teaching and when I was eating. Fortunately for the world, I do a lot of both.
So, I arrived at Everett's filled with a lot of energy needing to be released. S5 begins by releasing tightness along the periphery of the abdominal wall which restricts the pelvis from above. This is followed by intensive work in the depths of the abdomen and pelvic bowl which is supposed to have a liberating effect on the whole structure and the breath. I will repeat. "intensive work in the depths of the abdomen and pelvic bowl." Fuck. You. Everett. <<< there's Angry Nadja again!!!
So, this is how I feel about this energy work: It's a roller coaster. Don't get on it if can't handle it. Of course you're afraid - that's part of the thrill. But once you step on, you're in it 'til the end. There's no timeouts on a roller coaster. Just strap yourself in and experience the thrills and dips and loops and butterflies and whatever else surfaces. You can't stop in the middle of it.
So what is there to say about S5? - Everett went in DEEP! After the initial neck, upper back and a light pass, we did some major work on releasing and lengthening my psoas and liberating my pelvis. I had some serious Matrix moments - I literally shouted several times, "Give me the fucking blue pill!" I could feel where my body has created some resistance to Everett. I am finding it harder and harder to fully relax my body to allow him into the depth. Even as I exhale, rather than releasing totally, a teeny part of me resists his fingers or knuckles or whatever the hell it is that he is using to dig to the depth of my soul. My solution to this is to yell out loud with the pain, as it satisfies my anger, facilitates an emotional release and relaxes my body to allow deeper access. Plus I just like to shout at the top of my lungs, and as an adult, those opportunities are few and far between.
As always, I emerge from his table in a much more calmer state. ON the table, I question my sanity; I give myself little pep talks; I remind myself what a badass I am; I scream out in pain. OFF the table, I feel so amazingly light in my body. Expansive. I can feel the prana flowing freely throughout my cells. I can breathe a full five liters of oxygen. And I feel fucking fantastic!!! And so calm and centered and grounded.
Eunju returns after two hours of torture, and she cannot believe how calm, happy and relaxed I am! Of course, I hug Everett and thank him and tell him how magical he is. (after two hours of cursing him and acting like a bitch on his table).
So the two weeks following S5, walking felt really weird. Practicing yoga was even more bizarre - my poor pelvis felt schizophrenic - it didn't quite now what to do or how to behave! The first couple of days were amazing. Then starting that Tuesday, I was super annoyed and prickly. EVERYONE was getting on my fucking nerves. For several days, I felt like SHIT. Angry. Hopeless. Rage. Dark.
FINALLY, after several days of this, I noticed a sense of calmness and space after a long day of teaching. My feet were still painful after the long day, but not as bad as usual. And I have been experiencing this amazing sensation of rooted connectedness to the Earth. One of the major realizations that I have had through this bodywork is that I have spent my entire life avoiding that rooting. I've always been so vata - filled with the air element - floating wherever I pleased, doing whatever I wanted - and avoiding and resenting like hell any people, authority or situations that felt like bondage to me. (I've been engaged 5 times and only married once, but that's an entirely different blog). I finally understand the importance of being firmly rooted on my own two feet. That being rooted does not equate to a loss of freedom or mobility but rather provides stability to float and fly with purpose and direction. True manifestation and actualization begins at the root chakra, muladhara.
So now, as I try to live with my new, liberated pelvis, my lower back muscles and glutes start to resist and tighten. Makes total sense, since this is the area targeted in Session 6. As I prepare for S6, my concern is that Everett keeps talking about flattening out my ass. Does he not realize how many damn chair poses, warriors and crescent lunges it took to get this ass?!?
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