Vipassana Bubble One-Month Gut Check

It's been exactly one month since I returned from my Vipassana 10 day silent retreat, so I think it's appropriate to do a gut-check here and assess my current situation...and I am starting with the premise that wherever I am on my journey, it is absolutely ok.

So, I'll kick it off by openly confessing that the beautiful, calm, peaceful bubble is gone. Popped. Bursted. Evaporated. It is NO MORE!!

I just re-watched my v-log post describing how amazing I felt a week after my re-entry into my life, and  I am thunderstruck by how far away I have slipped from equanimity in just a few short, jam-packed, stressful, pressure-filled weeks!

Of course, I take full responsibility for the choices that I have made and the chaos that I have allowed into my precious bubble.

My bubble bursting reminds me of the Stephen King movie Pet Cemetery. In the movie, when a pet dies, you bury him or her in the Pet Cemetery and the next morning, it returns home. The only caveat is that it is not quite the same animal that returns from the Pet Cemetery - there is something distinctly evil and off. 

Which is exactly how I have been feeling being outside the bubble - my old habits of reacting to stressful, overwhelming situations seems a bit more intense and ... well, not sane!! So, as I am taking a step back to observe and process where I now am, I am reminding myself to focus more on my breath and OBSERVE the physical SENSATIONS I experience in those moments. Just breathing and observing without reacting.

For me, it's all about seeking balance ...  cultivating the ability to calmly and purposefully engage in various activities and tasks with a balanced approach rather than intense and extreme focus and energy. 

The good news is that tomorrow is a new day, and I fully intend to begin again!! I want my bubble back!! Annica! Annica! Annica! Be happy!! Be happy! Be happy!!