Who would have thought getting called a fucking cunt would serve as a milestone in my spiritual journey?
Last week, I was heading to take a yoga class and merging with the flow of traffic onto the expressway. Suddenly this normal looking white male in an SUV sped up, pulled right next to me, blocked me from merging in front of him, opened his window and shouted at the top of his lungs: "Get outta my way you fucking cunt!" There was so much rage and anger and actual saliva spewing in my direction, I was literally stunned!
In that split milisecond, between the stimulus of his venomous outburst and before I knee-jerk reacted, I had a huge revelation: I had broken a deep sanskara. Not so long ago, I would have matched his anger with my own, spewing profanities back at him that would have made a sailor blush. Moreover, at one point, I would have been HIM, snarling and personally affronted that an unknown driver deigned to merge in front of ME! And truth be told, a little bit of anger sparked somewhere deep within me, but it sputtered and never really had the juice to fully ignite.
Even with the sheer force of his rage sitting squarely in my chest, I really felt sorry for him. I immediately smiled and hit my brakes so that he could triumphantly pull in front of me. And I merged behind him and kept moving to the far left lane to leave his negative energy far, far behind me. In his epic battle to outmaneuver me, he got stuck in a pocket of traffic while I sailed away to take my beloved 90 minute level 3 yoga class taught by the iconic Carla Cooper.
The force of his energy lingered with me, but my heart remained light and unaffected by his obvious pain and misery. Eventually, the energy dissipated, leaving me with the certain revelation that my long term pursuit of the ever-elusive equanimity was proving fruitful.
The thousands of hours I've spent on my mat, relentlessly strengthening my parasympathetic nervous system, has finally begun to take root. The truth is that I feel sorry for that man. It was 8:30 on a Thursday morning, and he was absolutely miserable as he fought for his lowly position in the cattle call on the Eisenhower. He clearly was not looking forward to going to work. I'm speculating that he worked in a stressful environment filled with pressure, and his aggression toward me was nothing more than his sense of feeling trapped, impotent, unappreciated, overlooked and ultimately unfulfilled.
How many of us live like this each day? Stuck in a place that we absolutely know doesn't honor our highest, best, shiniest selves? Yet we stay. (Safe and unfulfilled, cause it's good enough. That's an entirely different blog post about Taking Risks.) In some, like that guy driving the SUV and me, that discontentment is externalized, we lash out at those around us. Others, I've found, wouldn't dream of hurting others, but internalize their anger and hurt themselves.
We may manifest differently, but when we scratch the surface, pain and fear are the culprits. Once we tap into our own source of pain, insecurities, fear, anger and shame, we are able to recognize it in others. And find compassion for them. Shared emotions bond us together as humanity - when you've felt anger and rage, you understand what it tastes like to a person as they are experiencing it. It tastes exactly the same for all of us - we just learn to express it or repress it. And recently I have found a third option: to let it pass without reacting to it or internalizing. Just letting it sit and eventually dissipate.
And the truth is, who knows how I'll react the next time this type of situation arises? I'll just continue to take it one breath at a time, learning each step of the way.
Annica! Annica! Annica! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!
.
Even with the sheer force of his rage sitting squarely in my chest, I really felt sorry for him. I immediately smiled and hit my brakes so that he could triumphantly pull in front of me. And I merged behind him and kept moving to the far left lane to leave his negative energy far, far behind me. In his epic battle to outmaneuver me, he got stuck in a pocket of traffic while I sailed away to take my beloved 90 minute level 3 yoga class taught by the iconic Carla Cooper.
The force of his energy lingered with me, but my heart remained light and unaffected by his obvious pain and misery. Eventually, the energy dissipated, leaving me with the certain revelation that my long term pursuit of the ever-elusive equanimity was proving fruitful.
The thousands of hours I've spent on my mat, relentlessly strengthening my parasympathetic nervous system, has finally begun to take root. The truth is that I feel sorry for that man. It was 8:30 on a Thursday morning, and he was absolutely miserable as he fought for his lowly position in the cattle call on the Eisenhower. He clearly was not looking forward to going to work. I'm speculating that he worked in a stressful environment filled with pressure, and his aggression toward me was nothing more than his sense of feeling trapped, impotent, unappreciated, overlooked and ultimately unfulfilled.
How many of us live like this each day? Stuck in a place that we absolutely know doesn't honor our highest, best, shiniest selves? Yet we stay. (Safe and unfulfilled, cause it's good enough. That's an entirely different blog post about Taking Risks.) In some, like that guy driving the SUV and me, that discontentment is externalized, we lash out at those around us. Others, I've found, wouldn't dream of hurting others, but internalize their anger and hurt themselves.
We may manifest differently, but when we scratch the surface, pain and fear are the culprits. Once we tap into our own source of pain, insecurities, fear, anger and shame, we are able to recognize it in others. And find compassion for them. Shared emotions bond us together as humanity - when you've felt anger and rage, you understand what it tastes like to a person as they are experiencing it. It tastes exactly the same for all of us - we just learn to express it or repress it. And recently I have found a third option: to let it pass without reacting to it or internalizing. Just letting it sit and eventually dissipate.
And the truth is, who knows how I'll react the next time this type of situation arises? I'll just continue to take it one breath at a time, learning each step of the way.
Annica! Annica! Annica! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!
.
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