My second session with Christen cut deeply to my core. Since my first session, my body had been experiencing physical "pain" or intense sensations in my right hip/thigh area and my shoulders and neck were super tight and painful. The lovely director of Essencia Yoga allows Christen to use their beautiful studio space to practice her craft, and this time we were set up in the basement for our bodywork. It seems as if that darker, more cocoon-like space may have played a role in my experience on the table that morning.
Christen started on my feet and did some work on my legs - the thighs represent strength and forward motion. After my first session, I'd been experiencing a burning and throbbing release from my right psoas through the meaty parts of my thigh - front and back - and down through my knee. Intuitively I knew it was a releasing of stored anger. Thighs hold repressed anger and feelings of helplessness, which are two-headed beasts - where you find one, you generally find the other.
During this session, long-forgotten memories from my childhood were bubbling to the surface. In reliving these memories, I could clearly see that feelings of powerlessness and vulnerability from my childhood had been transformed into rage and anger. A few pivotal memories were at the seat of lifelong feelings of instability, never feeling truly safe nor beautiful nor worthy. I began sobbing uncontrollably on the table and these memories were spilling out of me toward Christen, who so compassionately listened to me and consoled me. This experience was so far out of my comfort zone! Crying and showing vulnerability is something that I have spent a great deal of energy in blocking - yang energy. Also, these experiences had not been surfaced for many years, as I had literally been repressing them and pretending they didn't even exist.
When Christen got to my neck and shoulders, again I experienced intense physical sensations. Prior to Christen, I had worked with the amazing Everett Ogawa of Integral Bodywork, and he always described me as being "karmically ripe" for the deeper bodywork. What he meant was that my body is primed to release these stored memories and traumas because the pain has risen to the surface. Many people's pain is repressed so deeply that their bodies have become hardened and resistant to sensation. More than a decade on my yoga mat has helped immensely.
Upper back relates to the heart chakra - how we are able to express and receive love and what I've been finding out more recently, how well we are able to love ourselves and to express and receive that love. Neck relates to the throat chakra - how do we express ourselves? Do we say too little or too much? Do we feel supported when we express ourselves and so important: do we love and support ourselves enough to speak our highest and most personal truths? Shoulders are where we carry our burdens - we tense up when we feel stress which leads to chronic pain. A shift in persectve is helpful in this area: What are we carrying and how much of it is necessary? Are we reaching out for the help that we need?
Thoughts of compassion were dominant during this session. A realization that we are all doing the best that we can. That I am doing the best that I can. As I was experiencing the resurfacing of long-abandoned memories and hurts, Christen told me to release all resistance. I was trying (there goes that yang energy again) to release and change the experience. She told me not to try to change it or even release it. To just sit with it and let it run its course.
In those moments, I felt a softening through the right side of my body. The left brain controls the right side body - the yang - for me that side was my masculine energy that had been protecting and defending my inner core. My left side (controlled by the right brain) had been overshadowed all these years in efforts of right body to defend. It made so much sense that I was experiencing the deepest releases in the right side of my body.
This session was physically and emotionally draining, but I left feeling lighter and much more open to vulnerability and a deeper awareness of my intuition.
My assignment was to dial down and rest my central nervous system over the next week. Christen also told me to make sure my meals were nourishing and healing - not only in what I was ingesting but HOW I consumed my meals. She also gave me a lovely water chakra meditation to try each morning to help balance my overactive yang.
During this session, long-forgotten memories from my childhood were bubbling to the surface. In reliving these memories, I could clearly see that feelings of powerlessness and vulnerability from my childhood had been transformed into rage and anger. A few pivotal memories were at the seat of lifelong feelings of instability, never feeling truly safe nor beautiful nor worthy. I began sobbing uncontrollably on the table and these memories were spilling out of me toward Christen, who so compassionately listened to me and consoled me. This experience was so far out of my comfort zone! Crying and showing vulnerability is something that I have spent a great deal of energy in blocking - yang energy. Also, these experiences had not been surfaced for many years, as I had literally been repressing them and pretending they didn't even exist.
When Christen got to my neck and shoulders, again I experienced intense physical sensations. Prior to Christen, I had worked with the amazing Everett Ogawa of Integral Bodywork, and he always described me as being "karmically ripe" for the deeper bodywork. What he meant was that my body is primed to release these stored memories and traumas because the pain has risen to the surface. Many people's pain is repressed so deeply that their bodies have become hardened and resistant to sensation. More than a decade on my yoga mat has helped immensely.
Upper back relates to the heart chakra - how we are able to express and receive love and what I've been finding out more recently, how well we are able to love ourselves and to express and receive that love. Neck relates to the throat chakra - how do we express ourselves? Do we say too little or too much? Do we feel supported when we express ourselves and so important: do we love and support ourselves enough to speak our highest and most personal truths? Shoulders are where we carry our burdens - we tense up when we feel stress which leads to chronic pain. A shift in persectve is helpful in this area: What are we carrying and how much of it is necessary? Are we reaching out for the help that we need?
Thoughts of compassion were dominant during this session. A realization that we are all doing the best that we can. That I am doing the best that I can. As I was experiencing the resurfacing of long-abandoned memories and hurts, Christen told me to release all resistance. I was trying (there goes that yang energy again) to release and change the experience. She told me not to try to change it or even release it. To just sit with it and let it run its course.
In those moments, I felt a softening through the right side of my body. The left brain controls the right side body - the yang - for me that side was my masculine energy that had been protecting and defending my inner core. My left side (controlled by the right brain) had been overshadowed all these years in efforts of right body to defend. It made so much sense that I was experiencing the deepest releases in the right side of my body.
This session was physically and emotionally draining, but I left feeling lighter and much more open to vulnerability and a deeper awareness of my intuition.
My assignment was to dial down and rest my central nervous system over the next week. Christen also told me to make sure my meals were nourishing and healing - not only in what I was ingesting but HOW I consumed my meals. She also gave me a lovely water chakra meditation to try each morning to help balance my overactive yang.
Annica! Annica! Annica!! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!
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